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Eleven: Contrary to popular belief, opinions are not like assholes, because in today's gay world, assholes are glorious and sexy and displayed prominently in photos sent to you from potential suitors.
Opinions on a date are more like your lesbian best friend: We know she's important to you and we're glad you have her, but we have no idea why you'd want to introduce us to her on a first meeting and turn the evening into a serious downer.
Fifteen: It's a sign of a true gentleman if you walk him to his door and he says it's too soon for you to come inside.
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Chill out, and use the time to call your sponsor for encouragement.
Eight: In the old days, it was common, and common sense, to say that, if you sleep with someone, you are also sleeping with everyone he's slept with.
Nowadays, it's common sense to remember that, if you sleep with someone who's in a 12-Step program, you are also sleeping with everyone in his Home Group.
Be prepared to be judged by all the members of the orgy.
Nine: If you've met the guy online and have never met in person, and if his entire chat so far has been about how amazingly hot you are and how amazingly much he's into you and how he's quite certain you're the guy for him, he will hate you within 20 minutes of your date and you will never hear from him again.